KymcoForum.com
General => General Discussion => Topic started by: Neil955i on June 17, 2022, 11:10:24 AM
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Stumbled across this on fb today. And he thinks we care?....
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Yeah,
(https://i.postimg.cc/QC4kT2bH/20220617-062633.jpg)
I'm always very concerned about what people think of me.
Stig
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To quote Karl, Har har!
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To quote Karl, Har har!
Yes! And that guy on facebook....who was he....? No matter, look in my eye to see if there are any "give a hoots" in there! Similar to an expression we Navy men would say when we really did not care...har, har!
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Don't know him, but the guy really's has a vagina? Wooouw! Congrats!
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A wealthy husband and his wife were having dinner at an upscale restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce! "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with George?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. “Ours is prettier," she replies.
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A wealthy husband and his wife were having dinner at an upscale restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce! "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with George?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. “Ours is prettier," she replies.
I might show this to my wife. Maybe not.
Well, it IS Friday - so she'll be in a good mood when she gets home from work....
No...wait!
She bought apples for a pie .....better not.
my joke:
Bob and his full-time riding buddy Skeeter were applying for a job with a trucking company.
As an over-the-road long-haul driver with decades of experience ...Bob passed all of the preliminaries...then sat before a panel of three co-owners who fired questions at him.
They nodded and were pleased with all of his answers.
Then they described an impossible situation: "You're coming over Grand Juction pass in the Rockies - there's a full school bus spun-out blocking both lanes, a cliff face to your left, a 1500 ft cliff to your right, your brakes have failed....."
They asked their final safety question: "What is the first thing you would do in this situation?"
Bob didn't need to think this over, "The first thing I'd do is wake up Skeeter!"
The panel looked at one another. "Why would you do that first?!"
"Well, because Skeeter ain't never seen a wreck like we're fix'in to have!"
Major Tom
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Okay! We have a convoy of comedians! In this corner we have yor basic Brit who has landed a big one with a truly classic European joke which was way funnier than most British humour excepting Benny Hill. In the opposite corner we have the standard Yank who has nearly leveled the field with a truly American, blue collar tale which has a name change as the original had a Leroy in the sleeper.
You boys know the rules: there are no rules! Come out with your best to show us a second revolution featuring Colonials and the British!
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Thank you Karl! And sad today that Benny Hill is now regarded as non-PC over here. I agree though, his seaside postcard humour was good.
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Thank you Karl! And sad today that Benny Hill is now regarded as non-PC over here. I agree though, his seaside postcard humour was good.
Benny Hill vs Monty Python.....
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You may have heard this one before:
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?
Well, because that's the way they built them in England, and English engineers designed the first US railroads. Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the wagon tramways, and that's the gauge they used. So, why did 'they' use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that same wheel spacing. Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break more often on some of the old, long distance roads in England . You see, that's the spacing of the wheel ruts. So who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.
And what about the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match or run the risk of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?', you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.)
?
Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah . The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature, of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system, was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.
And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything!
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You may have heard this one before:
yes, first read that one in a trade magazine (civil engineering) nearly 40 years ago
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You may have heard this one before:
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?
Well, because that's the way they built them in England, and English engineers designed the first US railroads. Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the wagon tramways, and that's the gauge they used. So, why did 'they' use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that same wheel spacing. Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break more often on some of the old, long distance roads in England . You see, that's the spacing of the wheel ruts. So who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.
And what about the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match or run the risk of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?', you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.)
?
Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah . The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature, of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system, was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.
And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything!
If you liked this, check out my page Captain FI and my blog at www.CaptainFI.com 😎
Neil, you get the prize!
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yes, first read that one in a trade magazine (civil engineering) nearly 40 years ago
Randy, I was asked if this was really true years ago when I first read it. It seems it mostly is, but for maybe more mundane reasons. For a balanced treatise on this snopes.com nails it in my opinion: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/railroad-gauge-chariots/
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3 Surveyors and some other guy
(https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/564d14dfe4b0290681184a82/1487604990889-MUE2UDE0WHBAFH8ANPQ8/?format=1000w&content-type=image%2Fjpeg)