T'was the night before Christmas,
And it's still in the house.
The family is sleeping
So I'm quiet like a mouse.
I look at my watch,
And midnight is near.
I think I'll sneak out
For a cold glass of beer.
Down at the corner
The crowd is so merry,
I end up by drinking
About twelve Tom & Jerry.
I get to bed late,
And gee rest how I'm sleeping,
When on to my bed
Those darn kids they come leaping.
They sit on my face,
And they jump on my belly.
I'm quivering all over
Like a bowl full of jelly.
They scream "Merry Christmas!"
My poor wife and me.
We stumble downstairs,
And she lights up the tree.
My head is exploding.
My mouth tastes like a pickle.
I step on a skate
And fall on a tricycle.
Before Christmas dinner
I relax to a point.
Than relatives start swarming
All over the joint.
On Christmas I hug
And I kiss my wife's mother.
The rest of the year
We don't speak to each other.
After Christmas dinner
My aunt and my wife's uncle Louie
Get into an argument.
They're both awful screwy.
Back in the corner the TV is playing,
And over the racket the announcer is saying,
"Peace on Earth everybody and good will to men."
And just at that moment someone slugs uncle Ben.
They all run outside yelling
So the neighbors can hear.
Gee, I'm glad Merry Christmas
Comes just once a year!
Merry Christmas,
