Author Topic: NSR: Bureaucracy  (Read 495 times)

Neil955i

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NSR: Bureaucracy
« on: February 28, 2023, 08:08:20 AM »
Ring a bell?

AUSTRALIAN LETTER - I think the sender might have been upset!

This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister. The Government tried desperately to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it couldn’t stop laughing !



Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television set and golf clubs and condoms from them back in 1997, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date ?

For Christ’s sake, do you guys do this by hand ?

My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years.

It is also on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes over the past 30 years.

It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead !!!

sh**! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide?

I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning.

Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bullsh**!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address!

What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there!

And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl).

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a sh** whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, cause I have to go to the other side of Sydney , and get another bloody copy of my birth certificate - and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?

Nooooo, that'd be too bloody easy and makes far too much sense.

You would much prefer to have us running all over the bloody place like chickens with our heads cut off, and then having to find some 'high-society' wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo... the one where we're not allowed to smile?...you bloody morons.

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in 'high-society' to confirm that it's me?

Well, my family has been in this country since before 1820! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!)

I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL...Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; you know...someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN BLOODY PAKISTAN!...a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended from
the Commonwealth and United Nations for not having the "right sort of government"..

You are all pen-pushing paper-shuffling bloody idiots!
Regards & ride safe,
Neil

Current garage:  Kymco DTX360 & Triumph Street Triple 675R
Past bikes: BSA C15. Honda S/wing (GL500). Kawasaki GPz750. BMW K100RS. Kawasaki GPZ900R. Yamaha FJ1200 x2. Sprint. Triumph Daytona 900. Kawasaki ZX-7R. T595 Daytona. Kawasaki ZX-9R x2. Triumph Daytona 955i. X-Town

CROSSBOLT

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Re: NSR: Bureaucracy
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2023, 02:27:02 PM »
Aye, a man after my own heart! Tidy the language a bit and would be suitable and proper to send to ALL OUR OFFICIALS here (USA and People's Republic of Canada)!
Karl

Three motorcycles 1960-1977 (restored a 1955 BSA)
Agility 50
Yager 200i
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Navy tech, Ships Engineer, pilot and aircraft mechanic

Neil955i

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Re: NSR: Bureaucracy
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2023, 07:33:38 PM »
Sent it to a colleague who responded with this:

A bit like an idiot conversation I had with an energy supplier….they called me…..we need to ask you some security questions….all went well until they asked me for my phone number…..I gave them the number they had called me on…..they then said I had failed security as the number was not on their records……I asked them how they could have phoned me if the nunber was not on their records…..they said they could not discuss it as I had failed security! I said “good morning it is Tuesday (from memory it was a Friday afternoon) and I too am from the planet Zog.” They said “that does not make sense”…..I checked the call was being recorded and then said “it makes more sense than the idiot conversation I have just had!”
Regards & ride safe,
Neil

Current garage:  Kymco DTX360 & Triumph Street Triple 675R
Past bikes: BSA C15. Honda S/wing (GL500). Kawasaki GPz750. BMW K100RS. Kawasaki GPZ900R. Yamaha FJ1200 x2. Sprint. Triumph Daytona 900. Kawasaki ZX-7R. T595 Daytona. Kawasaki ZX-9R x2. Triumph Daytona 955i. X-Town

NorWeWa

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Re: NSR: Bureaucracy
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2023, 07:51:16 PM »
The organization that I use for banking and credit card, offers insurance products. I was offered a home insurance quote from them.  The first question was my home address. They replied they could not offer a quote as the home was not occupied.  I laughed and said thanks.  Who wants to argue with a computer.

Art 

Ruffus

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Re: NSR: Bureaucracy
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2023, 10:06:18 PM »
LOL, 🤣🤣Neil, as CROSSBOLT says, polish up the language a bit and it would go for Italy too.
Haha, but sometimes here you really have to laugh not to cry for such public comedies.

Small example:
I went to my Gas providers city office to clear a bill which my bank hadn't payed.
Came there, lady inside tells me, "requests only after appointment". (noone except us within office)

Okay, appointment tomorrow 1500 hrs.
I'm there at that time, another lady there, "no Ruffus you don't have an appointment scheduled today. (noone except us within office)
Okay, appointment next day at 1100 hrs.

Former lady there again, "you had an appointment yesterday at 1500 hrs, didn't you?
After some real heartely laugh from my side we solved this prob in italian style, having a Caffè macchiata and a nice chat, ecco la.....
Happy and safe scootering, Ruffus

Neil955i

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Re: NSR: Bureaucracy
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2023, 10:40:11 AM »
LOL, 🤣🤣Neil, as CROSSBOLT says, polish up the language a bit and it would go for Italy too.
Haha, but sometimes here you really have to laugh not to cry for such public comedies.

Small example:
I went to my Gas providers city office to clear a bill which my bank hadn't payed.
Came there, lady inside tells me, "requests only after appointment". (noone except us within office)

Okay, appointment tomorrow 1500 hrs.
I'm there at that time, another lady there, "no Ruffus you don't have an appointment scheduled today. (noone except us within office)
Okay, appointment next day at 1100 hrs.

Former lady there again, "you had an appointment yesterday at 1500 hrs, didn't you?
After some real heartely laugh from my side we solved this prob in italian style, having a Caffè macchiata and a nice chat, ecco la.....

You really couldn't make it up.
Regards & ride safe,
Neil

Current garage:  Kymco DTX360 & Triumph Street Triple 675R
Past bikes: BSA C15. Honda S/wing (GL500). Kawasaki GPz750. BMW K100RS. Kawasaki GPZ900R. Yamaha FJ1200 x2. Sprint. Triumph Daytona 900. Kawasaki ZX-7R. T595 Daytona. Kawasaki ZX-9R x2. Triumph Daytona 955i. X-Town

Stig / Major Tom

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Re: NSR: Bureaucracy
« Reply #6 on: March 02, 2023, 05:13:00 PM »
We signed a thousand papers at our lawyer's office.
Then I walked in and found two guys flushing one of our toilets and staring at the magic of it all.
One of them looked up, grumped, "whatta you doing?!"
"I'm looking at two guys playing with the toilet in the new house I just bought!"

Inspectors of some kind.....

Couple days later there's a guy with a city truck parked in our cul-de-sac doing something in our front yard.
"Hi, whatcha doing?"
"Turning off the water."
"Why are you doing that?"
"Non-payment of the bill. Doing all of these houses."
"We haven't received a water bill.....and didn't you think you might want to call your boss and ask why you were sent out to  shut the water off of 6 spanking new houses?!"
he stopped speaking English....
"How many of these houses have you done?" pointing at the six new homes.
"You're the last."
"Go back to your truck and call your office - while I go let these people know what you just did!"
I started ringing doorbells.....

An unhappy crowd gathered. A supervisor showed up. Our water was turned back on.
The builder had not paid the water bills!
He sent fruit baskets to all - and paid our first month's water bills, and his. He had been watering our sod until buyers were found.

Stig
Boston Strong
Rural Ohio

And, I'm feeling a little peculiar.

Neil955i

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Re: NSR: Bureaucracy
« Reply #7 on: March 02, 2023, 07:27:27 PM »

Couple days later there's a guy with a city truck parked in our cul-de-sac doing something in our front yard.
"Hi, whatcha doing?"
"Turning off the water."
"Why are you doing that?"
"Non-payment of the bill. Doing all of these houses."
"We haven't received a water bill.....and didn't you think you might want to call your boss and ask why you were sent out to  shut the water off of 6 spanking new houses?!"
he stopped speaking English....
"How many of these houses have you done?" pointing at the six new homes.
"You're the last."
"Go back to your truck and call your office - while I go let these people know what you just did!"
I started ringing doorbells.....

An unhappy crowd gathered. A supervisor showed up. Our water was turned back on.
The builder had not paid the water bills!
He sent fruit baskets to all - and paid our first month's water bills, and his. He had been watering our sod until buyers were found.

Stig

That guy from the City? Over here referred to as a “Jobsworth” as in, can’t do that guv, it’s more than my job’s worth!
Regards & ride safe,
Neil

Current garage:  Kymco DTX360 & Triumph Street Triple 675R
Past bikes: BSA C15. Honda S/wing (GL500). Kawasaki GPz750. BMW K100RS. Kawasaki GPZ900R. Yamaha FJ1200 x2. Sprint. Triumph Daytona 900. Kawasaki ZX-7R. T595 Daytona. Kawasaki ZX-9R x2. Triumph Daytona 955i. X-Town

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