Friday Red Neck Humor (see what I did there?)

[Neil955i]

A Country Kid joins the (Edit)Army...  Oops sorry, Navy!!  Sorry Stig.

Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
 
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.
Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
 
We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes .
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake.
 
I only beat him once ... He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
 
 
Your loving daughter ,
 
Alice

[Ruffus]

Well, thats a gal!😅

[Iahawk]

you got me at the end! haha

[Neil955i]

you got me at the end! haha

What used to be termed a "shaggy dog" story?

[Stig / Major Tom]

Not the Army, Neil - she was a Marine - you might receive a Blanket Party some night for such slander.

My medic training memory - (one of them)

They paired you up according to height. Tall guys at the front of the marching formations. I was in the front row.
The kid to my R was my training partner, throughout.

One part of the physical training was the weekly "50-meter man carry" exercise.
Over the course of the weeks I lost 35 lbs.  The muscular farm kid to my right - from rural Ohio, had never had such easy access to so much free food!
He did not get fat - but he sure did "beef up" (think of a steer) - gained 40 lbs or more. Who knows. The final week of training he now outweighed me by probably 75 lbs.
The "50 M Man Carry" was part of the final qualification for graduation. Flunk any part of the physical tests - and you get recycled into another whole training class!

The final test day - it was 140°F, raining in my shorts, the dry dusty Texas prairie field looked 2 miles to the finish line. I hefted my giant buddy across my neck and shoulders and set off with him for Oklahoma.

At the 30M mark I was seeing the Care Bears, at 40 my knees were melting. At 45 I saw Jesus as I lay face down in the dirt, having safely cushioned my mates fall. Under him, on hands and knees, I set out for that line in the dirt.
I don't remember anything after that....
Apparently he pulled me over the line....and then we had tea.

He was a nice kid. Gentle - but couldn't stand the sight of blood. ....which could be an issue, since we were being trained as combat medics.
There is a list of all those on the WALL, in D.C. But I can't remember his name. I've contacted the Army Medical museum in TX to try for a copy of our class roster. On that paper I would remember his name - and could look to see if he's on the Wall. The Army hasn't helped with my request.

Stuff comes back on veteran's day......

Stig

[Neil955i]

Love your service stories Stig - always told with such humour for what was many times otherwise indescribably awful situations!  Hope the Army in TX relent and send you the roster sheet.

As for memory, mine has always been rubbish for names.  Never forget a face, but names?  Saw an old buddy at the Village Remembrance Service on Monday.  Only managed to drag his name up as I walked off with the dog!  Too late then to shout "goodbye Rich" by then 

[Stig / Major Tom]

Love your service stories Stig - always told with such humour for what was many times otherwise indescribably awful situations!  Hope the Army in TX relent and send you the roster sheet.

As for memory, mine has always been rubbish for names.  Never forget a face, but names?  Saw an old buddy at the Village Remembrance Service on Monday.  Only managed to drag his name up as I walked off with the dog!  Too late then to shout "goodbye Rich" by then 

Being teenagers - we hadn't much respect....we dubbed that exercise, "the 50man meter carry"

Stig

[CROSSBOLT]

Neil, you are a pip! (a "pip" is a bit of shoulder jewelry for your military lads, right?) That sea story has a long history but is still a good laugh! The truth is some of these country boys 'round here are not to be trifled. They hold some impressive, unofficial records encouraged by the directive, "Hold my beer an' watch THIS!"

Some of the worse brawlers I ever met were the little guys from Tennessee! We had one short, fat, red-headed electrician that we had to "help" disengage from riling the biggest squid or grunt to near critical nuclear mass before  he went Chernoble on all of us!

Many times it was a relief to up anchor and sail...

[Neil955i]

Neil, you are a pip! (a "pip" is a bit of shoulder jewelry for your military lads, right?)

Never before thought to wonder where that expression came from!  I'll take that though, thanks; and for the reminiscence!